Sometimes Learning Hurts

This past week has been filled with mirrored images into my soul. That's the thing about marriage: it's no longer me, on my own, with only myself as a responsibility or the only one to reap a consequence. When you're married, everything you do affects your spouse in some way or another. I'm just going to be honest here: Lately, I haven't been very fun to be around. I'm grumpy, tired and have a poor attitude. I'm worn out from chasing after the toddlers and am increasingly anxious about not having found a job for this quickly-approaching school year. My time is sucked away by cleaning, laundry, field trips and diapers. And instead of seeing these tasks as a blessing and an opportunity to serve my family, I have been feeling defeated and depressed. Through the course of my day, I try to keep my head high but when the evening comes, unfortunately, my husband is the one to receive the short answers and the frowning face along with inability to give another ounce of myself.
While Will and I were reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller the other night, I read aloud this quote and it hit straight to the conviction area of my soul: "If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus." If you can't say Amen, you better say "Ouch!"
That is exactly it. My pride has been doing all the acting - I had/have this complex that says something on the lines of, "I deserve better than this. This isn't what I signed up for. I'm wasting my time and my life away by menial tasks that mean nothing to anybody. I'm not appreciated. I'm not loved."
If I can step back from my self-deprecating why me attitude, I can hear the voice of God speak straight into my heart. “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."
And this prayer, that was said two thousand years ago by Paul rings as true to my life today as it did to the Ephesians then:
"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."
And I fall to my knees in gratefulness and thankfulness for the treasures God has entrusted to me. What a wonderful I life I have indeed.