Parenting 101

From the moment I first learned I was pregnant with my daughter, well over four years ago now, I had visions of what parenthood would be like. There would be long walks in the sunshine, splashing our feet in the water of the nearby lakes and creeks, picnics, playdates with friends, teaching my cherubs about life, love and God, and lots of cuddle time while reading books. While this has all come to continuing fruition, what I failed to imagine is the rest of life.

I failed to realize that some (okay, my) babies don't sleep. This has been a huge source of frustration and contention and has caused more than a few words of anger to be uttered in our house. Neither my husband nor I are fighters. We are both peacekeepers by nature (except that one time my husband got threatened to be put on a "No Fly" list because of his demeanor towards the Delta desk assistant at the airport.... but that's a story for another day). However, in the throes of severe sleep deprivation and a baby screaming in your ear every hour and a half throughout the night, even the most gentle of creatures reaches a breaking point.

Nobody told me about the toddler tantrums that give you flashbacks from the movie "The Exorcist." A few weeks back (actually the very last time I picked Chloe up from real preschool) my firstborn had a meltdown that literally frightened me (and Annie). She was screaming, crying, thrashing about on the floor, and I thought her eyes might pop out of her scull from all the sounds that were coming out of the whole of her 32 pounds. I used all of the tricks that usually work to coax her back into stability to no avail. We had to wade out this storm - and it was tumultuous. It was because of this (and a few other reasons) that we decided to pull her out of playschool altogether and begin an interesting journey as a homeschooling family. (more on that later)

I wish I had known that with children everything takes longer and other things are impossible. To get in 35 minutes of exercise at the Y, the entire trip there and back takes at least an hour and a half. Usually 2. The getting into winter gear (keep in mind it takes near bribing to get Chloe to even put her socks on), strapping into carseats, the walk into the building, checking into the drop-off kidcare, then my workout (35-40 minutes of glorious "me" time!), back to pick them up, back into the winter gear, back to the car and then back home. I'm sweating before I even start the real workout.

Time with the husband is greatly diminished when a child or two comes into the family. Children are a great blessing and such a wonderful picture of "when two become one" but unfortunately, that means that the initial two people who started this whole thing have a lot less time together. Shortly after we welcomed our first child into our family, I had to grieve the loss of my relationship with my husband. Not that we didn't have a relationship anymore, because we did, but it was very different. He was now husband and daddy; I was now wife and mommy. When we were able to have some peaceful moments together, just the two of us, we had to learn how to see each other again in our new roles. I'll never forget our first date after Chloe was born. She was two months old and my mom came to babysit (because when you're a new parent, the only person you trust to babysit your precious newborn is one of your own family). We had tickets to see the broadway performance of The Lion King at the theatre. I was so anxious about leaving my new little baby. Questions such as, Would she be okay? What will happen if she cries and can't be comforted? Will my mother cope with this child? were swimming through my mind. My stomach was in knots. It was the first time in months that I put on makeup and got all dressed up and I was nervous. When we got to the theatre and found our seats we looked at each other, I mean really looked at each other, for the first time in 2 months. And it was like first date awkward. We had just been co-existing and trying to navigate this new chapter in our lives. We had been on survival mode. And now, on our date, was the first time we got to remember the people we used to be when we got a full night of sleep. From there, we started learning how to adjust to the newness of being both parents and lovers.

While I would never change the last four years for anything in the world and while my heart bursts with the love I have for my children, parenting is so much harder and different and tiring than I thought it'd be. I'm still learning and have a lot more visions of what I want my children to become. But, who knows? Maybe the next post about parenthood can be titled Parenting 102.