I am blessed. I can bless.

I'm on a hunt. A hunt to see God in everything. To find him in the laughter and squeals of my precious girls. To see Him in the weathered hands of a farmer/engineer/handy-man. To rejoice in Him when my best friend's husband receives his dream job and they finally get to move to the place their heart desires. To lean on him when I'm going on week 4 of being a single parent and need enough strength and patience to last through the day.

And I'm counting these gifts; all the way to 1000 and beyond. Inspired by the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, my perspective is gradually changing. Writing down the gifts is helping me not only reflect on how God is here, with me, in all of these moments, but how He is blessing me in all of seemingly trite moments of grace and life.

"It's not the gifts that fulfill, but the holiness of the space. The God in it... This is supreme gift, time, God Himself framed in moment." Voskamp, pg. 69

Reading through my journal from the beginning of the year, the themes are easy to gather: empty, tired, overwhelmed, broken, impatient. When I look back at my journal from January through March, I realize I was barely surviving; in fact, most days just hanging on.

But the thing is, I don't just want to survive this stage of my life. Yes, motherhood is exhausting and challenging but I knew that it could be more. And I wanted more. More joy. More life. More laughter. More fun. I didn't want to miss seeing God in this journey and I didn't want to miss the joy of raising my daughters.

Enter: One Thousand Gifts.

It's not the circumstances that have changed since starting the Gift List. In fact, the circumstances have become more challenging in the past few months with job losses, family separation, VISA processing times prolonged, feeling as if we don't have the wisdom to make the right decisions, etc. My perspective is what has changed. And counting the gifts, the small moments in each day that are God-filled joy, has brought about the paradigm shift.

Here's a peek at my list:
114. Annie kissing the kitty
117. Seeing 2 loons on Lake Calhoun
118. unexpected, free guacamole from Whole Foods!
120. after several phone calls and lots of prayer, Will's passport arriving in the mail the day before our flight leaves!
121. a lunch date with a cousin I hadn't seen in two years
122. Chloe proclaiming, "God did it!" when talking about the passport arriving
126. getting through the airport hassle-free
131. drugs to make children sleepy on long-haul flights
132. an extra free seat on the airplane
137. a shower. the feeling of freshness after a long journey.
140. chasing pigeons through St James Park in London
142. the kindness shown by strangers who helped us lift up the stroller a few steps
144. sweet, sleepy Annie cuddled up in the sling
149. blissful sleep in the English countryside: windows wide open
152. a day out at the Skegness seaside
154. ice cream cones on a hot summer day
158. sitting on the grass in the warm sunshine reading a book
161. Chloe playing with the little neighbor girls
164. warm strawberries fresh from the patch
167. line-dried laundry
169. a baking lesson from Nana
170. the girls playing tea party at Great Nana's house
177. greeting friends who picked us up from the airport and gave us a ride home
179. a good night's sleep
185. the smell of wood on freshly laid planks on the boardwalk
187. coming face to face with beauty herself - a mommy doe and her Bambi
189. prayer walks
192. a great older sister who plays with my girls while I tutor her brother
193. playdate at the art museum
200. Annie saying "shoo bug" while standing near the lavender bushes, nose to nose with the bees
202. free tickets for rides at the MOA
205. after 10 years, he still surprises me
212. squeezing into a preschool class at the last minute
217. after a scary trip to the ER with Annie, so thankful that she'll be okay
220. my sister taking Chloe out for ice cream while I stay in the hospital w/ Annie
223. Harvest Moon
228. a $10 gift card to Office Max and I need a new printer
231. finishing the course for the K-12 Reading Licensure
233. Chloe referring to her friend, Lily, as her sister
235. Annie meowing at the cat every time she sees her
238. gaining confidence and realizing how strong and capable I am as a mother
240. talks at night in the kitchen with my sweet friend (how I'm going to miss her!)

When I see my life through the lens of blessedness, I cannot feel discouraged. It's impossible. I just feel really, really lucky and grateful and thankful.

Because I'm so blessed, I too can bless.

So this is the new challenge in my journey to joy: to find one person every.single.day who needs a little bit of my time, or a little bit of my money, or a little bit of my encouragement and to find God in the faces of each of these people.

The grandmother I met today, I pray that she (and the four mouths she feeds) feels blessed and loved by God.

I pray that the cycle of blessing never stops.