Finding the Beauty: June 2011

The past two months have been a new kind of beauty journey. I've been on a beauty hunt. Through reading a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, I have been challenged to name one thousand blessings; to count the tangible grace of God toward me. What has this hunt for grace and beauty done in me? It has me completely undone.

Breakthroughs, breakdowns, palms open, knees bent, heart bowed. Humbled beyond measure.

My sense of entitlement has surfaced. The belief in my heart of all the things I have deserved, therefore not received with thankfulness, are staring at me straight in the face. "I deserve to have perfectly behaved children." "I deserve to take a hot shower a couple times a week." "I deserve to have a moment's peace and quiet for just a few stinking minutes a day so please, just leave me alone!" Sometimes the entitlement speaks so softly, I can't even hear it. Other times I face it with tight fists and clenched jaw and react in anger.

Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. In Jesus' final hours, what does He count as important? A thanksgiving meal with his friends.

"He took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, 'This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.'" Luke 22:19, emphasis added

Realizing that in everything, even betrayal by one of your closest friends, even the march to death, even the blood-stained rags, in everything, we must choose to give thanks. To receive everything God has to offer. Especially when we don't understand it. Especially when the temptation to hold onto anxiety is more comforting than the obedience of counting it as blessing.
What does a life of Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, look like for me?

1. teeny tiny (absolutely edible) baby toes
2. giggles in the shower while I wash a toddler
3. sparkly blue baby eyes smiling at me
9. hot tea with the right amount of milk and sugar
14. freshly laminated paper, hot off the press
15. cheeks flushed from afternoon rest time
18. worms
23. early morning snuggles in the quiet dark
28. warm bellies on a cold, rainy day
35. hearing the word "mama" being called out for the first time
36. green grass made greener by fresh rain
39. frustration and sadness over a job offered and then retracted
40. God's grace when I don't understand
50. chocolate chip cookie dough
58. dry spell/discontentment about being a stay at home mom disappearing! Thank You, God!
61. feeling humbled that God picked me to be a mother
64. seeing the water from the lake glitter and glisten
71. blooming lilacs making the world smell so good
73. sisters happily reading books together
78. two little 3 year-olds chasing a butterfly through the grass
85. spoken words from a stranger "Keep on being a good mom."
91. the toystore!
96. Chloe making the caterpillar "feel better" by giving it a push on the swing
100. first trip to the beach
103. cottonwood trees littering the world, making it feel as if we are living in a warm snow globe
107. Chloe finally eating vegetables!!!
109. learning how to pray with eyes wide open

I'm counting the blessings, one by one, recognizing God's providence in everything. I'm capturing these tiny moments throughout the day and thanking God for such a wonderful, joy-filled life. What I used to see as mundane, what I longed to escape, I now relish and receive with open palm of gratefulness.

"We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks." A. Voskamp, pg. 39

The only way to have a faith that saves is to give thanks for all He has given.

"to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb and these are not mere pulsing emotions. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." pg. 176

So why am I counting these gifts, all the way to one thousand? Because it is changing me and it's changing my perspective of God's goodness toward me. I'm learning how to trust Him more deeply and to love Him more fully.

I asked my husband last night if he has noticed any change in me and he said, "You seem more content."

Yes, I am. I'm receiving all the good gifts from the greatest Giver with open hand.

We never thought it would arrive. Spring forgot to come. We went from freezing, cold, snowflake-y winter, to hot, humid, sticky summer.
But, summer IS here! In full force.
And we are so thankful!!
Here are a few things we've been up to the past two weeks:

Chloe had her last day of gymnastics. Here she is receiving her certificate standing next to her coach.

I took Chloe on a date to see Pinkalicious, the musical! Wow, it was so much fun. (For those of you who don't know, Pinkalicious is a book written by Elizabeth Kann and Victoria Kann and it's about a little girl who is obsessed with the color pink. She eats so many pink cupcakes, she actually turns pink!).

We have been going on a lot of walks to play at the various parks in our neighborhood. Chloe has been biking everywhere and she's really getting fast!! Here's a picture of Daddy and Annie on one of our walks.

I took the girls to the zoo! Annie loved the bears and the giraffes and Chloe liked climbing on things :)

Our last stop before leaving was to take a ride on the golden horses!

Chloe has been busy climbing the tree in our front yard

And today, we spent the morning at the beach! With a heat index of 100, we decided to head out early and spend the morning at the playground next to the lake. Annie LOVES to swing.