one thousand gifts

The past two months have been a new kind of beauty journey. I've been on a beauty hunt. Through reading a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, I have been challenged to name one thousand blessings; to count the tangible grace of God toward me. What has this hunt for grace and beauty done in me? It has me completely undone.

Breakthroughs, breakdowns, palms open, knees bent, heart bowed. Humbled beyond measure.

My sense of entitlement has surfaced. The belief in my heart of all the things I have deserved, therefore not received with thankfulness, are staring at me straight in the face. "I deserve to have perfectly behaved children." "I deserve to take a hot shower a couple times a week." "I deserve to have a moment's peace and quiet for just a few stinking minutes a day so please, just leave me alone!" Sometimes the entitlement speaks so softly, I can't even hear it. Other times I face it with tight fists and clenched jaw and react in anger.

Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. In Jesus' final hours, what does He count as important? A thanksgiving meal with his friends.

"He took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, 'This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.'" Luke 22:19, emphasis added

Realizing that in everything, even betrayal by one of your closest friends, even the march to death, even the blood-stained rags, in everything, we must choose to give thanks. To receive everything God has to offer. Especially when we don't understand it. Especially when the temptation to hold onto anxiety is more comforting than the obedience of counting it as blessing.
What does a life of Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, look like for me?

1. teeny tiny (absolutely edible) baby toes
2. giggles in the shower while I wash a toddler
3. sparkly blue baby eyes smiling at me
9. hot tea with the right amount of milk and sugar
14. freshly laminated paper, hot off the press
15. cheeks flushed from afternoon rest time
18. worms
23. early morning snuggles in the quiet dark
28. warm bellies on a cold, rainy day
35. hearing the word "mama" being called out for the first time
36. green grass made greener by fresh rain
39. frustration and sadness over a job offered and then retracted
40. God's grace when I don't understand
50. chocolate chip cookie dough
58. dry spell/discontentment about being a stay at home mom disappearing! Thank You, God!
61. feeling humbled that God picked me to be a mother
64. seeing the water from the lake glitter and glisten
71. blooming lilacs making the world smell so good
73. sisters happily reading books together
78. two little 3 year-olds chasing a butterfly through the grass
85. spoken words from a stranger "Keep on being a good mom."
91. the toystore!
96. Chloe making the caterpillar "feel better" by giving it a push on the swing
100. first trip to the beach
103. cottonwood trees littering the world, making it feel as if we are living in a warm snow globe
107. Chloe finally eating vegetables!!!
109. learning how to pray with eyes wide open

I'm counting the blessings, one by one, recognizing God's providence in everything. I'm capturing these tiny moments throughout the day and thanking God for such a wonderful, joy-filled life. What I used to see as mundane, what I longed to escape, I now relish and receive with open palm of gratefulness.

"We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks." A. Voskamp, pg. 39

The only way to have a faith that saves is to give thanks for all He has given.

"to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb and these are not mere pulsing emotions. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." pg. 176

So why am I counting these gifts, all the way to one thousand? Because it is changing me and it's changing my perspective of God's goodness toward me. I'm learning how to trust Him more deeply and to love Him more fully.

I asked my husband last night if he has noticed any change in me and he said, "You seem more content."

Yes, I am. I'm receiving all the good gifts from the greatest Giver with open hand.

Thank you, Summer

We never thought it would arrive. Spring forgot to come. We went from freezing, cold, snowflake-y winter, to hot, humid, sticky summer.
But, summer IS here! In full force.
And we are so thankful!!
Here are a few things we've been up to the past two weeks:

Chloe had her last day of gymnastics. Here she is receiving her certificate standing next to her coach.

I took Chloe on a date to see Pinkalicious, the musical! Wow, it was so much fun. (For those of you who don't know, Pinkalicious is a book written by Elizabeth Kann and Victoria Kann and it's about a little girl who is obsessed with the color pink. She eats so many pink cupcakes, she actually turns pink!).

We have been going on a lot of walks to play at the various parks in our neighborhood. Chloe has been biking everywhere and she's really getting fast!! Here's a picture of Daddy and Annie on one of our walks.

I took the girls to the zoo! Annie loved the bears and the giraffes and Chloe liked climbing on things :)

Our last stop before leaving was to take a ride on the golden horses!

Chloe has been busy climbing the tree in our front yard

And today, we spent the morning at the beach! With a heat index of 100, we decided to head out early and spend the morning at the playground next to the lake. Annie LOVES to swing.

She wasn't too sure about the sand, but she eventually got up the courage to have a play in it.

Chloe would've spent the entire day (or week) in the water!

Annie found her favorite spot at the beach: in the chair!

Thank you, Summer. You have been missed.

Little Fairy

While out running errands today, we arrived at our destination (Target) and I went over to Chloe's side of the car to open her door and unbuckle her. Then I walked over to Annie to get her out. I had our gear and was ready to go in, but Chloe still hadn't gotten out of the car. I poked my head in and said, "Chloe are you coming out?"
She looked at me and said, "I have to put my fairy wings on! Chill out!"

I must have laughed for a good 3 minutes because her response was so serious!

Well, okay then, I guess the princess has spoken.

Discipline Style via API

With our oldest daughter on the cusp of turning four, we have experienced our share of unwelcome behavior, tantrums, defiance, and screaming in the past year and a half. When you feel like you've run dry of ideas, where's a parent to turn for resources and help? I'm a big fan of Attachment Parenting International. I recently read a blog post discussing what our discipline style is as parents. As a side note, the word discipline comes from the same word as 'disciple' and means "to teach, to follow, to train" which reminds me of a verse in Proverbs.

Prov. 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way (s)he should go, Even when (s)he is old (s)he will not depart from it."

By means of assessing our own disciplining technique, the author suggests a list of questions to think through.

• How were you disciplined as a child?

I was born before the invention of "time-outs." My parents disciplined by means of punishment for bad behavior: sometimes a physical punishment (spanking, a slap, etc.- not to say my parents over-used this as punishment as it only happened a few times during my childhood) or when I was a bit older it was taking away a privilege (time with friends, decreased phone time, no social events).

• How did you feel/react when being disciplined?

As a small toddler/child the physical punishment was only understood by me as "Mommy/Daddy doesn't love me." I didn't connect the punishment with the "crime." As a tween and teen, losing privileges was probably more effective at curbing unwanted behavior (but not eliminating it as I still broke curfew more times than I can count).

• What would you like to do the same or differently?

Frankly speaking, I think spanking is stupid and ineffective. Multiple studies, including this one from The Attached Parent, prove that "spanking teaches children that violence is the solution to problems. Hitting teaches that we can and should use physical coersion to get what we want. Not only does spanking teach things that are surely contrary to what we actually want it can errode the trust between parent and child too."

• What are your goals for disciplining your children?

My goals, and my mantra, are be the person you want your children to become. Disciplining does not mean punishing. Disciplining means guiding your children to make appropriate, healthy choices and to become the fullest, best, joy-filled, caring person as possible.

• What discipline issues are coming up in your household these days?

My husband and I are not in full agreement as to the means of disciplining. While we both want the best for our children, we don't always agree on which tactics will be more effective. Do we go with a more gentle approach (without becoming a permissive parent)? Or do try a punishment (such as time out) in hopes that the negative behavior will stop (without becoming a domineering parent)?

• What is causing discipline conflicts? -Child (temperament, developmental level, tired, hungry, etc.) -You (need to feel in control, unnecessary/unreasonable demands, delivery, approach, etc.)

Child. It seems like she is tired all.the.time. Recently we have wondered if she has sleep apnea or enlarged tonsils/adenoids which are interfering with her night sleep. Her behavior/tantrums seem to correspond with her being tired but the gal gets "enough" sleep at night. Perhaps it isn't good enough sleep and that is the issue.
Me. Yes. I have a need to feel in control. I have a need to have perfectly behaved children. And I'm in the process of learning to answer with grace, compassion and understanding rather than letting my emotions get caught up in the tornado of Chloe's emotions (= bad spiraling mess).

• What are your triggers? How do you express your feelings and cope with frustrations?

My triggers? The things that really get under my skin and make me go into fight/flight mode are screaming and defiance. When Chloe starts screaming, "NOOOOO!" at me, it makes me cringe and want to lash out in anger. Most of the time I clench my jaw and resist my natural inklings and respond in the gentlest voice I can find at the time.

• What are you doing well as a disciplinarian?

Depends on the day. A year ago I would've answered, "Terrible." But, now, one year wiser, I can say that we're on a learning journey. Since I started putting into practice some of the techniques I've read from Attached at the Heart and from subscribing to a parenting newsletter written by Dr. Laura Markham, a lot of the negative behavior has been prevented by deeply investing in my childrens' emotional needs and by responding to those needs with compassion.

• What do you wish you were doing differently?

If I could pick the one thing I want to change the most, it would be to stop "losing it." I can easily get caught up in the emotional turmoil and it's at these moments that I stop guiding the emotions and start losing the path I want to lead us on.

I believe we need to look to God and His Word for direction on how to be great parents. These children, afterall, are a gift from Him and we want to honor God with our choices as parents and disciples. It's necessary to pray for and with our children in addition to asking God to give us wisdom in dealing with the challenges of parenthood. I'm so thankful for parenting resources that align with the teachings of the Bible and I will continue to look to these resources on this parenting journey. Parenthood is not only a high calling, it's also a lot of work!

Cake Pops

Let's talk about those cake pops I made for Annie's birthday party! Yes, they took a while to make, but it was totally worth the effort because they were SO cute!! I received many compliments on the cake pops; the flavor and the aesthetics.

I didn't actually take pictures of the process of making them because it was so messy, but I can tell you how I did it. I got the recipe from a blog called Bakerella (what a great name for a blog, I might add). If you look around her site, you'll see that she's a baking genius and does wildly creative things with cake pops. I, however, just rolled my cake into balls and put them on lollipop sticks that I purchased from Michael's Craft store.

1. bake cake as directed. I bought a strawberry cake mix and followed the mixing and baking directions for a 13 x 9 pan.
2. after the cake cools, crumble in a large bowl. I used my trusty large spatula (from Pampered Chef) - it does every job in my kitchen.
3. mix in a can of frosting. I used pink vanilla frosting - the kind that comes with the sprinkles. In hind sight, I probably shouldn't have used the whole can as the cake pops were really sweet tasting. Next time I'll use a bit less and see how that turns out.
4. roll into balls and place on a baking sheet covered with wax paper.
5. freeze. I froze my cake balls for a couple of hours (RE: did steps 1-4 during nap time and finished my job after the kids went to bed that evening).
6. melt the candy melts (or you can use chocolate chips or almond bark).
7. put the lollipop stick in the cold cake ball and dip in the melted candy.
8. stick the cake pop into a styrofoam block and sprinkle.
9. refridgerate until ready to serve!

This is what the centerpiece looked like:

Let's ask Annie what she thought of the cake pops:

Good to the last lick:

What did Annie's favorite Auntie think to the cake pops?


General Consensus: Cake Pops Rock!!!

Annie's 1 Year Old!!!

As I write this, little Annie is refusing to take her second nap. Again. This goes to show what an independent toddler she is becoming. Oh, little lady, what are in for? And now she just hid her face in a sweatshirt that is hanging on the back of the chair (which of course she is using as a standing aide) and peeked out and said, "Boo!"

The first birthday party was a success!

Hooray!!! We love parties!

What a gorgeous little princess!

Here's a pic of my spread! I had a lot of fun decorating and making cake pops!

She's doing new things every day. Saying new words, practicing new skills, and growing bigger. I took her to her well-child check-up at the doctor yesterday and she weighs 20 pounds (31st percentile) and is 28 inches tall (12%). She has about about 20 words that she can say (I should really write them down) and her cognitive skills are equivalent to an 18 month-old. What she lacks in size, she makes up for in intelligence!

Here are a few more things that Annie has been up to this month:

• She likes to go up to Chloe, tackle her to the ground and bite her (on the shoulder, arm, lip, etc.)
• She enjoys playing tea party
• She points at herself if we ask, "Where's Annie?" or if we say, "Me!"
• Has a slight obsession with buttons. Buttons on shirts, on the phone, on the computer. Her new "job" is to press the ENTER button after I type in the code to open the garage. She seriously gets a kick out of this. And she loves to point at buttons and says, "bunn! bunn!"
• She LOVES to bounce! She'll crawl into my lap, stand up, hold on and say, "Boun!" (which means bounce) and start bouncing up and down.
• Her current favorite foods are goldfish crackers (which she doesn't get too often) and strawberries. I recently bought 3 pounds of strawberries which we are quickly making our way through.
• She has started drinking whole milk! She loves cups, and straws even more so I give her a sippy cup at meal times and she does great. She still nurses about 4 times a day but is enjoying practicing with her cup.
• She does this funny little bear walk/crawl especially when we're outside. She must not like the feel of the ground on her knees so she walks on her hands and feet. It's pretty funny.
• Speaking of bears, her favorite book is Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See? She loves to pick up the book and say, "Brown Bear" and then pages through the book. She "baaas" at the sheep, and gets very excited and repeatedly shouts, "Duck! Duck!" at the yellow duck.
• She's great at sharing! (pretty sure it's because her sister takes everything away from her)
• The cutest thing ever: she washes her own hair in the tub! I tell her, "Annie, it's time to wash your hair," and she'll start rubbing her head/hair with her hands.
• Her favorite game is what we've called "Push/Pull." She'll climb on me (or daddy) or pull herself to a stand and then make the "pshhh" sound as she pushes us over. Then she grabs onto our shirts and pulls us up again. She laughs and does it over and over again.

Annie is an absolute delight. She's full of smiles (and has six teeth she'll show off to anyone), loves to play, dance, and gets excited when she sees the park. She loves her mama (and will cry if I try to drop her off at the Y Kid's Stuff), gets really excited when Daddy comes home every evening, and loves to snuggle with her big sister. We're so blessed to have Annie as our daughter and we're so excited to watch her grow and develop. This has been one amazing year. To think she has gone from this:


to this:


to this:



it's a humble miracle. Thank you, God, for such a gift.

Mother's Day 2011

My husband and children spoiled me this Mother's Day!! How lucky am I to have such an amazing and loving family? Blessed indeed.
The day began by being served breakfast in bed! (actually I got up to get Annie when she awoke, but then I nursed her in our bed and then got to stay there... for a little while) My husband made me a pot of decaf coffee (yum!) complete with milk, sugar and cinnamon and then he served me warm bagels with peanut butter and the best part was the chocolate-covered strawberries!! On the tray with my breakfast was a little jewelry box. Inside the box was a beautiful pair of emerald earrings with three little diamonds on the top! Emeralds are Annie's and my birthstone and since I have a necklace with Chloe's birthstone (sapphire), Will decided to get me earrings with Annie's. Such a thoughtful and lovely surprise!



After Annie's morning nap, we headed out to Minnehaha Falls and park area. The weather was starting to look cloudy, but we braved it! We had a picnic (in the wind) and then walked over to the falls with a little hike to see the falls close up. Our camera battery died, so we don't have any of us near the falls, but here's a few pictures that we did get!

Annie and me enjoying our picnic

The girls, including Cinderella, having our sandwiches, salad and fruit!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!